Thursday, December 17, 2009

Weathering The Storm

I have been sick. Tis the season to not have time for that. And on top of being sick, I have been in the midst of a 'storm', grappling with depression. Tis the season for that, too. Sometimes the most joyful time of the year brings not-so-joyful moments. If you've been there, you understand. If not, you are lucky.

Overwhelmed and burned out by my growing to-do lists, I came down with a sore throat and earache. Nice. The combination of depression and illness is dangerous to the mind and body. And everyone around me. Gradually, over the past couple of weeks, I have felt the familiar distant rumbling of thunder. An occasional lightning strike. But nothing too severe. Until yesterday.

Sometimes, in the midst of the storm, I've needed to visit the doctor for a prescription for depression and anxiety. Sometimes all that I need is to release some of the pressure that's building inside of me. Expressing feelings that I can't always accurately convey isn't usually a smart thing to do during the storm, as it can produce more trouble. I wish I knew the answer, but I don't. My defense mechanism is usually withdrawal. Which let me tell you, doesn't make for very fun holidays. For me or anyone else.

Back to yesterday. On the way home from taking my son to school, I came across a cat who had JUST been hit by a car. It was horrifying and devastating. I was the crazy lady in the middle of the street sobbing as other cars just passed by, obviously not near as moved by this as I had been. At that moment, weeks of pressure were released. Previously unable to cry (a GREAT pressure release), only to withdraw, I released...that's for sure! Then I was able to express some of the things going on in my brain to my husband. (Bless his heart. There should be medals to honor such husbands.)

Last night we celebrated a birthday with a friend and I was able to laugh and enjoy myself. Today, although I still have a sore throat, my mind feels better and my spirit is lighter. And my to-do list seems do-able.

Someone else's storm's a brewing... This morning, in the school parking lot, a lady actually rolled down her window and screamed at me. Accusing me of not stopping at a stop sign in the parking lot (which I did stop at), she pointed her finger and screamed at me. In the school parking lot. Falsely accusing me. And honking at me. Meanwhile, I could hear her daughter screaming at her "Mom, stop it!" Two reasons her outburst didn't bother me: 1)I knew I had stopped at the stop sign. 2)Maybe she's in the midst of a storm. That could have been me yesterday. So I prayed for her. And I thanked God that my storm is passing.


Amy said...

Sweet sorry! but i'm so glad today is better.

Jim Hobbs said...

Amy, I am here for you and any storm you may go through. I know I am not good with words or understanding what or how to help you. I just LOVE and Support you the best I can for what I think is going on when I really don't. I pray, worry and cry for you. I always want to be here for you no matter what. I am sorry you have to go through such rough times. I wish I could take it all away. I am so proud of you that I cannot tell you. I really appreciate everything you do for everyone. Not jut the family. I know you have a thankless job but I want to Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

Granny Harms said...

Knowing you have these episodes and limits is half the battle and talking about it and exposing it is going to help someone else. I love you for your courage and pray for you all the time. (and your sweet family!!).

Elaine Jarvis said...

Dear Amy, glad to hear that you are already on your way out of the storm. You KNOW I have had my own storms, and you have been a kind voice and a much appreciated pray-er. Just want you to know that I am praying for you as well.


The Gabberts said...

Hey my sweet friend,

I just want you to know I love you and I'm thinking about you today. I pray for peace, strength and perserverance during this time.


J Gabbert said...

Hey My Sweet Friend,

I just want you to know I love you and I'm thinking about you today. I pray for peace, strength and perserverance for you during this time. I'm here it you need anything.

Love you,

Stacie said...

Hang in there! Depression is an ugly beast. Glad you got on meds . . they are truly little digestible miracle workers. Thanks for your post.