Friday, August 13, 2010

Living Out Loud (Random Thoughts of a 40-Year-Old)

Sometimes that (Living Out Loud) seems like false advertising.  In some things I have no problem 'living them'.  In others, I sit idly by and let things happen.  Why is that?   And while lots of interesting/exciting things happen, I don't always blog about them, even though I want to.  (see lame excuse below)

Whatever my issues are right now, I'm going to blame the heat.  Seriously.  I live in Texas.  It's August.  And I am D-O-N-E with it.  It sucks the life right out of me.

I'm sitting here surrounded by party stuff from last Saturday, still needing to be put away.  Boxes of decorations, supplies and memories.  That's where I got (mentally) stuck...the memories.  I have had a great life, complete with happy times and not-so-happy times.  And I wouldn't change a thing.  However, in my life before I had any real control (or took control), things happened that I still have to reconcile.  And these boxes of memories triggered feelings...for what could have been, or what should be.  What do I do with those feelings?  Pack them away again?  That doesn't seem to be working for me.

It's that time of year when school is about to start back up and I'm thinking about that 'to-do' list.  You know the one...of all the things I'll do once school starts.  (That actually made me laugh)  My kids are old enough  now that I can't legitimately use them as an excuse for not getting things done while they are home.   I guess I'll be busy looking for a different excuse.

I'm entering all kinds of new and exciting stages in my life:
1) I have a child that will start college. I AM THE MOTHER OF A COLLEGE STUDENT!
2) I'm 40. And it doesn't feel much different than 39. Except a little more 'distinguished'. (or some such)
3) My son will splay football this school year, for the first time EVER. Football is a contact sport. Lord help me. (Like how I turned that around to be about me?)
4)  I have my own photography business, and it has been coming along nicely.

The sadness of my brother being in prison is setting in.  (This is strongly related to the 'boxes of memories') It's tough to explain my feelings on this.  Although he broke the law and deserves to be in prison, it's still sad that he'll spend the rest of his life there.

I still haven't blogged about my "Christmas Around The World" dinner.  And it was definitely blog-worthy.  But I allowed my JOY about the event to be stolen.  sigh.  I'm mostly over that, so I promise to blog about it...eventually.

While I enjoy reading others' blogs, there's still a part of me that wonders, "Who the heck cares about what I have to say?"  Hence the sporadic blogging.

(Clicking 'Publish Post' will cause me great anxiety.  My PP brain (procrastination perfectionism) is on overload for this post.)

This is me.  Covered by GRACE.  Whew!

(Post blogpost thoughts:  This entry sounds kinda heavy.  That's not how I intended it.  I am in an absolutely fantastic place in my life right now.  Things could not be better!  Well, maybe they could...if I could eat chips and queso for every meal and NOT suffer the consequences.)

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